I guess that's where that phrase comes from.
FEATURES
This years edition comes with the usual headaches and aching limbs that your average user would experience with regular influenza - this of course includes an over-clocked temperature running at 38C/100F. Vomiting has taken a back step with this edition, making way for a much more aggressive diarrhea phase, but it's the days of piercing stomach cramps that most people who are familiar with the virus will really notice. I'm talking bent over in tears having an alien baby cramps. This years release also shows improved speeds in turning even the smallest thing you eat into watery shit.
LONGEVITY
Four days of gastric pain and feeling like utter dump, with a day either side feeling pretty rough is an impressive run, especially for this reviewer. Unpredictability offers a key role in Norovirus 2012's development, often offering different users a unique experience. One less day in bed would have felt unworthy, but one more would have been pretty distressing. In the bigger scale of things it is quite contagious, meaning with a little careful attention you can watch how your particular string is passed on and developed by others, creating it's own legacy behind it - a nice little multi-player feature.
COMPATIBILITY
With days spent unable to do anything productive, Norovirus 2012 is particularly compatible with such programs as Netflix, Lovefilm and the much less popular Crackle. It offers those with a guilty consciouns the ability to enjoy a week off, doing nothing but making a dent in the 8 season run of of Despereate Housewives. There are however the usual compatibility issues with white or pastel-coloured underwear.
VALUE FOR MONEY
Norovirus 2012 is free to pick up, but make no mistake, if you work as a salesman on commission, or a ticket tout, the contraction of norovirus is going to amount for some loss of earnings. You're simple not going to be able to get out of bed and rip the world off when you're keeled over and pissing out of your arsehole. But on the plus side, in the four most severe days of the illness I am delighted to say that I saved heaps of money not requiring food and not going out. I had my run with this flu mid-month, but I recommend trying to pick it up the week before payday to really feel the financial viability. Ignoring any incidental direct debits, the only thing I did spent money on was a suspicious looking bag of "Cramp Bark" from a local herb shop I managed to crawl to. Cramp Bark is prepared like a tea, and amazingly did alleviate my stomach pains. As a further financial bonus I now sell it to menopausal woman on the street for ten times it's value.
So there you have it. Norovirus 2012 is a bastard, and for an illness in the 2-7 day market it certainly packs a punch. To get your copy, smear yourself across as many used surfaces as possible and don't be afraid to get in and about other people's poor hygiene.
Happy cramping.
