Focus Hocus

A lot has happened in the two months since I posted last, just nothing that I have a page worth of hilarious things to say about. So in the style of the popular science magazine Focus, here is a numerical run down of what's been happening, yo.

2 - the amount of times I moved house in the first two weeks of January.
22 - the most amount of episodes of American TV series "Entourage" I managed to watch in one day.
4 - the amount of things that actually happened in those 22 episodes.
8 - the number of buttons that have fallen off my H&M Sgt Pepper funeral coat (some repeat offenders).
Too many - the number of times I've been back in Aberdeen.
£2.25 - the cheapest pint of Strongbow I can find in Glasgow (The State Bar).
£3.00 - promotional drinks price on a leaflet I was handed in Edinburgh.
155 - minutes I've spent on stage telling jokes.
0/20 - the amount of Scottish people in the crowd at a recent gig in Edinburgh.
10 - the number of times I've turned on the wrong ring on the cooker due to my hob dyslexia.
7 - the number of times I've re-watched the sketch where Dee Dee goes to Yoker from Limmy's Show.
127 - The number of hours James Franco spent traumatised and unable to move, after finally watching Spiderman 3.
9 - the number of months it took me to submit a tax return saying I had no tax to pay for 2009/10.
£100 - the fine I got for such a tardy submission.
0.005 - the number of seconds my face appeared in the new Mogwai video.
3 - the amount of times I have started going to the gym every week.
11am - the time that a student gym gets too busy to go to.
5 - the amount of words this Total Wipeout application form wants me to describe myself in. Can't we make it syllables? Sar Cas Tic Dick Head. Submit.
18 - cubic metres of hot ashes I have poured into wheelie bins to be a renegade.
12 - grey hairs I have on my head - on the cusp of fatal mass multiplication.
30 - the controversial wattage of a rare fluorescent tube bulb for the bathroom that I had to travel to fucking Drumchapel B&Q for. It's worth it to be able to see my thighs during a dump now though.

I did have something important to say but it's gone. I think it was about making friends and meeting new  people.



Or it might have been about my bowel movements.